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Marilah kita berhuhu

 Hai everything! Tonight let's talk about future, my future. Cewah. Hahahahah. No lah. So in conclusion, this semester consists a lot of subject that I hate, really hate. Which is entrepreneurship, business marketing, game principles and I think that's all for now because some subject I still can handle. To everyone that doesn't know me, I really hate business. I don't like creating stuff, selling stuff and distribute stuff to the community or customers. For me it's so maddening. I'd like a job that doesn't require me to please people. But we'll meet different kinda people everyday. 

And I've take entrepreneurship subject in my diploma years. I really don't understand why I can't drop that fkng subject its the same assignments I've done before. And business marketing is like copy paste syllabus from entrepreneurship subject with the same assignments too! I can't help but being stress about it. I can't drop or do something about it. I understand that Malaysia encourage the citizen to be an entrepreneur but not this way. I just born to be something else, not to sell stuff. I just don't understand why it's compulsary to take this subject. 

And this one subject is really not for me. I'm certain that I've cross check this course doesn't have the subject that I might hate but I'm wrong. I'm so dumb, stupid. I just thought that I might like the subject as I go through one by one subject by semester. I'm so careful to something that will come into my life. I even joined a lot of university carnival to choose the best course that suits me. I really hate coding which is why I refuse to enter matrix as one of the subject is computer science. And I dismayed that game principles requires me to do coding to create a game 😭 i thought it's just a theory class so it might be fun. 

HAHAHA stupid. I think I'm getting used to read and memorize when it comes to learning since primary and as I take pure science to SPM. This gaming subject made me create a lot of games which I really like because I like creativity and imagination. But, to do coding is not my expertise. I really really really really hate coding huwaaaaa. Just like last semester where I must do a 2 minutes (if i not mistaken) video of cartoon. Omg! So infuriating! I'm not as patient as I look. Plus, my laptop is so slow! 

Even to download the software take 2 days. And did I mention it's online learning? Can you believe you learn practically by google meet? I can't bare it anymore. COVID! YOU OWE ME MY STUDENT LIFE! I don't mind about socialising but the learning process is making me harder. I stress as the lecturer can't see my mistake through google meet. And I almost destroy my result because I might fail for gaming subject as I'm not focus on my huge assignment which to create a REAL game. To be honest, truly I'm not a gamer. I just, can't. I hate coding. 

I'm not steve jobs oh shit. But fortunately the lecturer is really nice I love you Sir (as Lect) because I passed the subject so I don't have to repeat the subject. Alhamdulillah I'm so grateful. I can't believe if I must re learn the subject that I hate. I must say even I hate to admit it that I mistakenly choose my path, my course. I always wonder why people choose the course that they don't like and ruin their future. I mean you should know yourself. Go for the things you like. I think it's true when people say the sin you mock today is the sin you'll did one day. 😂 

Yeah, it's me, the dumb girl that choose the course she'll hate and have no idea what job suits her that sync with her major. I think I should take Interpersonal (psychology) even I hate science. At least I'm familiar with biology. My mom always said "tulah aku suruh ambik broadcasting tanak, I know you'll gonna love it" everytime I told her I think I've mistakenly choose this course. I love broadcasting too, but I just dowanna spend my whole life in the tv. I'd like to try office hour job too. I think for someone to be part of television doesn't require any kinda educational certificate unless something formal idk how to describe. 

But yeah now I'm the face of cosmoderm ads you can find it on youtube or facebook I dowanna mention it bcs I'm not after for clout here. I thought new media is something fun. I mean it is fun but I forgot it's bachelor so everything that I'll learn is particular. I don't learn it just for the exams but to create it realistically and give impact to others. But still until now I think I'm in the wrong path. I'm not as creative as you see. I just jealous of my friends in other course in middle school, they just have to submit a scrapbook while I have to memorize the parts of our bones and all the formulas. 

I think scrapbook is much fun that's why I'm the asst secretary of Art Club in my school I really like being beyond of real life, imagination. I appreciate arts even if I look like I don't. But this course, made me learn the adobe animate, unity and stencyl. I just, think it's not what I want, what I really want. End up I don't know what should I do. I really do wanna cry but just my tears won't come out. Weird. But I despise on give up. I think I should go with the flow till I grad. This course is fun but for the patience and expert. I don't want to quit and waste my one year here. 

I think God has create something beautiful for me in the future. My course doesn't determine my job, my life right. Just another 3 semesters left and 6 months of internship. And I'm done! I have a dream to work in the Ministry of Communication building I don't mind any job. Maybe as cleaner? HAHA. Whatever that make me happy. Let see next semester's subject. I would have 

Omg why the quality is even worse than my android phone.

Ok I think I can drop comm theory because I've take in diploma, my pa always the syllabus totally different now so idk. But I like that subject. Oh my, I don't think I'm gonna like research methods bcs I've done it in diploma. And ctu omg. Can I drop ctu too? OMG animation production! My enemy. I think I must start to learn abt adobe animate now so I don't stress when google meeting. Creative drawing, I can draw but idk what the lect look for. Audio design my lect told us earlier he will be teaching us and ask us to buy a microphone which I already own 3 mic bcs I like karaoke hahaha. And third languange. For me third language not supposed to be a subject that will burden me so I choose Arabic bcs I think I'm able to score? But my mom suggest mandarin but hell no just look at the font made me dizzy. hahaha. What ever it is I will just follow the flow! And let God do His job.


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